| SYNOPSIS In this episode of "The Simpsons" entitled, "Nemesis", Maggie is faced with the challenge of defeating her arch enemy, "Baby Gerald" (big eyebrows). The episode follows the family and Maggie's life in particular as she grows up to become brilliant, famous and rich. Right as she is at the pinnacle of her career, a 28 year old baby Gerald steals her glory and sends them all back to where they began. Read the full script below for a witty insight into, "The Simpsons". |
THE SIMPSONS
Episode – Nemesis
by J. Scott Stewart
Copyright 2007
The main premise of this episode is based upon the “friction” between Maggie and the baby with the big eyebrows (baby Gerald). Every time they see each other they glare angrily at one another. I wanted to write an episode that elaborates upon the friction between them.
(Opening song and animation)
The episode starts as everyone is leaving the house in the morning. Homer goes to work, the kids go to school. It’s utter chaos to get them out of the house. Finally, they’re out of the house and Marge sits down at the kitchen table, exhausted, and stares at Maggie who is in her high chair.
Cut to Maggie staring back at her. Cut back to Marge staring at Maggie. She doesn’t blink. Cut back to Maggie staring back at Marge. She doesn’t blink, either. Cut back to Marge one more time. Her eyes start to narrow. She looks at Maggie, suspiciously. Cut back to Maggie. Her eyes narrow, as well. Now, they are both glaring at each other, suspiciously. Cut back to Marge.
MARGE
That’s it!
She walks out of the kitchen and out of the house and slams the door.
Cut back to Maggie. Now, she just looks innocent and curious. She sucks her pacifier.
Maggie sees Marge out the kitchen window. She watches Marge walk across the street and knock on the neighbor’s door. A lady answers the door and they are having a conversation of some sort. Maggie suddenly notices her “Nemesis” in the kitchen window, in his high chair. They glare at each other intensely as dark music booms in the background.
Marge finishes her conversation and walks back into the Simpson house. She goes into the kitchen to talk to Maggie.
MARGE
Guess what? I’ve arranged a play date for you!
It’ll be fun!
Maggie’s eyes open up like saucers when she hears this. She looks out the window and sees the “Nemesis” baby being brought over in a stroller by his mother. Maggie starts to look around desperately. The doorbell rings and Marge goes to answer it.
Cut back to Maggie in the kitchen. She stares down at the utensils on the table. Through her eyes you see her look at the spoon, then the fork, then the knife. She picks up the knife and runs her finger across it to test the sharpness. It is only a butter knife. She tosses it in frustration. She looks back at the fork. She picks it up off the table and tucks it into her diaper.
Marge brings the mother and the “nemesis” into the kitchen. The mothers coo at the babies and try to get them to be social. Both Maggie and the nemesis play it cool. They stare at each other with no emotion and no fear (so it seems).
MARGE
Okay, well you two have fun,
are going to catch up with each other.
When the mothers go into the living room, both babies immediately glare at each other like enemies. The nemesis’s name is Tanner and he speaks first (in baby jibberish – subtitles).
TANNER
So, this is your plan. Bring me into a den of
wolves, yes? Put me right where you want me.
Maggie pulls out her pacifier and responds in kind.
MAGGIE
Nice try, Comrade. You had this planned
all along and you know it. Misdirection is
your specialty, after all.
TANNER
Oh, so that’s your little game, is it? If double
talk is your goal then you’ve already lost.
MAGGIE
I find this amusing, coming from such a
two-faced coward.
There is a pause as they stare at each other, intensely.
The two babies start nodding off. They wake up with a start each time they start nodding off and glare at each other, suspiciously.
TANNER
I can stay awake for hours at a time, my friend.
I will be watching you like a hawk.
MAGGIE
As will I.
The scene fades quickly and then cuts back to the two of them. Both of them are completely conked out with their heads back, mouths open and drooling on themselves.
The mothers come into the kitchen and see the two sleeping babies.
Oh, their so adorable! They’re like twins!
MARGE
Yes, I’m sure they’ll be friends for the rest
of their lives!
CUT TO:
(The nuclear plant)
Homer is drawing a comic of Marge. Next to her hair is an arrow and a caption that says, “Cactus Head”.
Lenny walks into the room.
LENNY
Hey, Homer.
Homer hides the comic and says:
HOMER
No, I didn’t!
LENNY
You didn’t what?
Homer looks as though he’s searching for something else to say and finally gets an irritated look on his face.
HOMER
Look, Lenny, I don’t have time for all these
questions. I have important things to do, you
know. I mean, I’m just the safety inspector for
a “nuculer” power plant! I’m just responsible
for the
safety of every living thing in
that’s all. So, if you want to tell me I’m not good
at my job, well then I welcome you to try it yourself,
buddy! Good luck!
LENNY
Jeez, what did I do?
Lenny walks out.
HOMER
Whew! That was close.
He goes back to drawing his comic. He looks at it and laughs.
HOMER
Heh, heh, heh. Cactus head.
Suddenly, Bart walks in.
BART
Hey, Homer.
Homer screams. He sees that it’s Bart and clutches his chest. Then, angrily:
HOMER
What are you doing here?
He looks at his watch.
HOMER
Shouldn’t you be doing something illegal
around this time of day?
BART
Yhea, I was gonna go deface the town statue
of Jebediah Springfield but then I thought…
ehhh, been there, done that. So, I figured I’d
come over here and see if you’ve blown
anything up, recently.
HOMER
Why you little….
Bart waives his hand at Homer.
BART
Please, Homer, don’t pretend to be offended.
You’ve almost killed us all more times than
I can count.
Homer looks ashamed.
HOMER
Point taken.
Suddenly, Lisa walks in.
LISA
Hey!
Both Bart and Homer scream.
HOMER
What are you doing here?
LISA
I was keeping an eye on Bart.
She looks at Homer, accusingly.
LISA
Someone has to.
HOMER
Point taken.
He sighs.
Bart looks over at Lisa and says:
BART
Well, as long as you’re keeping an eye on
me I hope you took care of that fire I started,
yesterday.
LISA
Of course I did, just who do you think I am?
BART
Excellent. Damage control, I like that. I always
knew you’d come in handy, someday.
LISA
Yes, controlling the damage done by primates is
something I’m completely familiar with.
BART
Oh, shut up.
LISA
You shut up!
They start strangling each other.
Homer sighs.
HOMER
Point taken.
CUT TO:
Homer, Bart and Lisa all come home at the same time and collapse on the couch, looking defeated and exhausted.
MARGE
What were you guys doing together today?
They all look at her and then back at the TV. Simultaneously, they all mumble: “Mehhh…”
MARGE
Well, Maggie has a new best friend! I want you
all to come into the kitchen and meet him!
They all groan and walk unenthusiastically into the kitchen. Maggie and the nemesis are staring at each other, as usual. Lisa walks over to Maggie and says:
LISA
Oh, so this is your new friend, Maggie? It’s
very important for babies to have a social
atmosphere of their peers. This way, you can
learn to trust others at a very young age. In fact,
it’s even helpful to tell an embarrassing story about
yourself to your friends so they will, in turn, feel
secure enough to tell an embarrassing story about
themselves. For example, there is this hilarious story
about Maggie…
Maggie looks irritated and the other baby is practically salivating and looks quite pleased to hear it.
LISA
Maggie was eating her oatmeal one day
when she fell asleep and…
Maggie backhands Lisa.
LISA
Ow! Maggie! I was just going to tell him
about the time that you…
Maggie backhands her again.
LISA
Ow!
Lisa rubs her cheek and stays quiet. Then Bart chimes in:
BART
Oh, that’s nothin’, Lees, remember the time
when she went to the bathroom on the…
Maggie backhands Bart. Bart rubs his cheek.
BART
Ow. Point taken. She’s a Simpson, alright.
Bart and Lisa walk out of the kitchen.
BART
Man, who would have thought a baby could
hit so hard?
In the background you hear Homer saying something to Maggie and then you hear a big slap.
HOMER
Ow. Marge, she hit me!
MARGE
Hey, she slapped me three times, today. I’ve
heard of “the terrible twos” but this is just
ridiculous.
CUT TO:
In a dark room in a secluded part of his home, Tanner is building some contraption with a diabolical look on his face. He starts laughing.
TANNER
Heh. Heh, heh. Hoo, hoo. Hoo, hoo, ha.
His mother comes in and turns on the light.
Tanner, is that you making all that noise?
She looks over and sees that he is tucked in his cradle, sleeping like an angel.
Hmm. I guess not. That was strange.
She scratches her head and turns off the light.
In the pitch black you suddenly see an evil pair of eyes open. Then you see his evil smile.
TANNER
Heh, heh, heh. Sucker (subtitles).
(First commercial break)
FADE TO:
(Seven years later)
Maggie is in the 2nd grade and looks a lot like Lisa did at the same age (8 years old). She is even smarter than Lisa was at this age. Mrs. Crabopple (sp)? still teaches.
CRABOPPLE
Can anyone tell me what the capital of New Mex…
MAGGIE
CRABOPPLE
Very good. Now, let’s move on to math.
What type of triangle has…
MAGGIE
Isosceles.
CRABOPPLE
Maggie, you have to…
MAGGIE
…raise your hand before you answer. (blasé look)
Mrs. Crabopple looks mad. Then, she thinks she finally has a question that Maggie can’t answer.
CRABOPPLE
Okay, what people that defeated the Athenians
in 1733 at the Battle of Moochanagwa, were actually…
MAGGIE
The Americans, but it’s a trick question for
two reasons: One, that didn’t actually happen
in reality. It was Star Trek TNG episode 128,
in which they go back in time and defeat a race
that never existed because it all actually happened
on the Holodeck, accidentally. And two, there is no
such thing as Americans on Star Trek in the future.
They are a part of The Federation of Planets. There
are only Earthlings or, “Humans”.
CRABOPPLE
Fine. So, if you’re so smart, then why don’t you know that…
MAGGIE
15 million Star Trek Dweebs are going to E-Mail the
show and find out I made it up? No problem. Tell them
to call 1-800 hundred…
She flips off the camera and it’s blurred out.
Crabopple looks nervously at the camera and smiles, sheepishly. She walks casually near the camera and has a cue card behind her back that says:
FOR
CUT TO:
(10 Years later)
Maggie is 18 and attending a lecture that her sister, Lisa (Vice President of a high tech corporation that develops top genetic engineering cyborg technology) is giving. Lisa is at the podium, in front of hundreds of people and cameras.
LISA
…And we have finally broken through and
found the genome that meshes perfectly with
that of artificial intelligence and, furthermore…
Maggie stands up and addresses Lisa.
MAGGIE
Oh, please, that technology was pasted three
years ago. Don’t you read “Wired”? Three
hackers
in
version of AI that surpasses your “so-called”
technology by years. They just didn’t have the
money to get it off the ground. Two days ago
they got an international grant from a major
computer company that will revolutionize the
industry.
CUT TO:
Three Indonesian Geeks with glasses are watching the conference on TV with their mouths open.
Uhh…did she just say that on national television?
No. She said it on international television, idiot.
What should we do?
They pause and look at each other.
They all scamper, knocking over things as they go.
CUT TO:
At the conference, Lisa’s mouth is hanging open. Maggie snaps and looks around.
MAGGIE
Oh, uh….no, no. It was a joke, just a joke.
That’s my sister. I’m just messing with her
is all. Yhea, that whole Indonesian liquid
silicon AI thing, uh. Yhea, never mind. I’m
just having a bad day. Something I ate, I think.
She sits down and smiles up at Lisa, shamefaced.
CUT TO:
Lisa and Maggie are backstage of the conference and are having an argument.
LISA
You think you’re so smart! I was reading
The Iliad and The Odyssey when I was five!
MAGGIE
Really? Wow, they don’t even let Kindergartners
read that filth, anymore.
Lisa growls.
LISA
Oh, yhea? I’m in the top 2% of the smartest
people on earth. What do you think of that?
Lisa is a member of MENSA and shows her card to Maggie. Maggie sneers and shows Lisa her card of an even more elite organization called MENSA2, in which you have to have an I.Q. of at least 1000, to be a member. The card says at the bottom:
DO NOT
MAGGIE
Only one person in 10 billion are as smart as I am.
LISA
There’s only six billion people on the planet!
MAGGIE
Exactly.
Lisa gasps and heavy music plays in the background.
MAGGIE
Unfortunately, I neglected to mention that I am not
allowed to show you this card, therefore I’m afraid
I’m going to have to….
She pulls out an automatic weapon and shoots Lisa.
Lisa pulls off her shirt and shows that’s she’s wearing a bullet proof vest, underneath.
LISA
Oh, please, I get shot all the time. Do you
know how competitive the scientific field is?
MAGGIE
Huh, I didn’t know that. So, you wanna go
have lunch, or something?
LISA
Okay.
CUT TO:
Bart is at the Simpson house in ragged clothing and sitting on the couch watching TV with Homer. He looks at Homer, sideways, and then burps. He gets no reaction from Homer. Homer has fantastic new fake hair but is old and fat. His hair is rainbow colored. Bart looks at him, sideways, and burps again. No reaction from Homer. He is engrossed in his TV show. His mouth hangs open. Bart suddenly looks incredibly irritated and gets up off the couch. He walks out of the room.
BART
Oh, forget this.
HOMER
Where you goin’, boy?
BART
How come you never strangle me, anymore?
HOMER
I dunno. (He shrugs).
As Bart walks out, Homer throws a can and hits Bart in the back of the head.
HOMER
Hah! Sucker!
BART
Ow! Wow, you really do care! Especially, since
that was your last beer.
HOMER
DOH!
Bart walks into the kitchen rubbing the back of his head. He talks to Marge.
BART
Mom, what’s with Maggie? She never comes to my
job and covers for me while I’m sleeping, anymore!
Marge is bald. It’s the new style for women. She’s reading a magazine called, “The Bald and The Beautiful”.
MARGE
Don’t ask me. She won’t do any, “creative
accounting” on our taxes anymore, either.
She makes the “quotation” signal with her fingers.
BART
Well, c’mon, mom, you do have that little
gambling problem. She could go to jail.
MARGE
Everyone goes to jail, it’s just a matter of when!
She storms out of the room. Bart looks irritated.
BART
Stupid Maggie.
(2nd Commercial Break)
(It’s 10 years later and Maggie is now 28). She lives in a gigantic castle at the top of a mountain and has the family over for dinner. The meal has been prepared and they all eat at a huge table, sitting far apart from one another. Bart speaks to Maggie from the opposite side of the long table.
BART
You think you’re sooo cool with your dignity
and your money. Even with all you have to
show for your life I bet I can still….AHA!
He throws a fork at her. It disappears into thin air.
BART
What the?
MAGGIE
The rest of the family has normal silverware,
Bart, but your utensils are made of a synthetic
material that dissolve into thin air when thrown
in anger and resentment.
Bart looks defeated. He looks over at Lisa.
BART
Help me out here, brainiac.
Lisa just shrugs and Bart makes an irritated noise.
MAGGIE
I’ve brought you all here to divulge my latest
invention. I am about to release it and it will
change the world in ways you can’t possibly
imagine. For eons, man has thought of time as
constant and fixed. Even science has a difficult
time debating this. It suddenly occurred to me
that only way to change time is to look at it in an
entirely new way. We don’t have to change time!
We can change everything else to cater to it!
Homer looks at his watch.
HOMER
The caterer hasn’t arrived yet. Are you saying
it’s time for us to go?
MAGGIE
Yes, but that’s beside the point. Quantum physics
states that with infinite possibilities are infinite
realities.
This basically means that there
RULES! HA! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!
(Coughing) Oh, sorry, I..uh..think I got something
down the wrong pipe, there. Anyway…
LISA
Are you saying that you’ve invented a time machine?
MAGGIE
Oh, thanks a lot for dumming it down, Lisa.
LISA
Sorry. So, is it true?
Maggie nods.
MAGGIE
Yes. All these years we have seen it in books and
movies and…
LISA
But what about the Paradoxes?
MAGGIE
Can I finish? I was getting to that.
LISA
Sorry.
MAGGIE
I’m going to release my findings worldwide,
tomorrow
at
BART
Oh, great. So, what you’re saying is that
you’re going to make ANOTHER billion
dollars? What are going to do? Build a castle
on top of this castle? You can at least buy
me the evil, flying monkeys I asked for.
HOMER
Bart, quit talking that way to your rich sister.
Continue, my darling.
MAGGIE
Bart, like I told you before, we can’t genetically
engineer evil, flying monkeys yet. You’ll just
have to wait.
BART
Yhea, right, that’s what mom and dad said about
getting Lisa a pony.
LISA
Yhea, I had to become a genetic engineer just to
finally get my own pony!
HOMER
Pony, shmoney. What’s for dinner?
LISA
Dad, we just ate!
HOMER
Cheese on a crate! I ain’t eatin’ that. Well…maybe.
What kind of cheese?
Everyone at the table sighs.
CUT TO:
The next day, Maggie is delivering her news to reporters. It is her moment to really shine.
She is about to talk about her invention when Homer dumbly stumbles onto the stage, looking for something. He walks out.
HOMER
Wait a minute…this isn’t
They told me this would be
The audience laughs. Maggie looks humiliated. Homer spots her.
HOMER
Oh, hi honey! Do you know where my good
pants are? I’ve been wearing these for three
days, now, and they’re really starting to chafe.
He scratches his butt. The audience goes dead silent. Maggie makes a motion and security comes and drags Homer off the stage.
HOMER
Oh, Okay, honey, I’ll see you at home. Uh...could
you tell these guys to go easy on me? I’d appreciate it!
When he is offstage, Maggie speaks:
MAGGIE
And without further ado, I proudly present to you…
Tanner comes out and surprises her.
TANNER
The Time Master 3000!
He walks up onto the stage as his own time machine is being rolled up. He has his own microphone. The audience claps.
MAGGIE
Tanner!
TANNER
Maggie.
MAGGIE
What are you doing, here?
TANNER
Destroying your career, what does it look like?
Duh.
In the audience, a 30 year old Nelson goes, Ha, ha! He then falls over from a heart attack. An audience members turns to doctor Hibert.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Doctor, is there anything you can do save him?
I think he’s dying!
HIBBERT
Heh, heh, heh. Oh, no, that would get in the way
of the sub-plot!
Tanner addresses the audience.
TANNER
I will challenge anyone in the audience right
now to step into my time machine to prove that
it works! If you return and tell of your experience
you will receive a thousand bucks!
The audience wows and then goes silent. Apu stands up.
Okay, Sir, I will try your confounded new
technology,if nothing else, to take me back in
time to a place where I had less than six bullets
lodged in my chest, no screaming bloodsucker
children and no hateful wife who hates me so
much I cannot even say.
He looks over at his wife, who he has, apparently, forgotten is sitting next to him.
Oh. Just…kidding…my darling…light of my life…
soul of…You’re not falling for this, are you?
Manjula shakes her head, no.
Oh! Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to
lie at all, anymore!
The kids are making noise behind him.
Oh, shut up you screaming bloodsuckers!
Grandpa Simpson stands up:
GRANDPA
I’ll take your flying test! I’m not afraid!
MAGGIE
Grandpa, it’s not a flying test, it’s a time mach…
GRANDPA
Enough double talk, Lisa. Out of the way.
He walks into Tanner’s time machine and disappears. When it opens again, a little boy walks out. Tanner looks at him and goes:
TANNER
Uh, oh.
The boy is cute and quiet and charming.
MAGGIE
You fool! You forgot to project the reverse
matrix over the time index! You’ve spliced
out half
his
forever! Trapped in a horrible place where you…
get to do whatever you want and….eat cookies…
and never get blamed for anything and…hmm...
Everyone is now looking at each other, suspiciously. They suddenly all start beating the crap out of each other to get to the time machine.
Lisa stands up.
LISA
No! People, we have to fight against these
unnatural urges!It is normal for humans to
age! It is the natural process of evolution and…
She turns around and sees that almost everyone has already walked into the time machine and come back out as a kid. She makes a frustrated noise. She looks at Maggie.
LISA
Well, if you can’t beat em’…
MAGGIE
Join ‘em…
They walk through together.
CUT TO:
The Simpson’s are all back to normal and sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. After a minute they all look at Maggie with disdain.
HOMER
Thanks a lot, Maggie.
BART, LISA, MARGE
Yhea, thanks a lot.
Cut to the dog and the cat giving her dirty looks. They both shake their heads in disgust. Cut to Maggie who shrugs her shoulders and sucks on her pacifier.
(Credits and Ending Music – Mysterious sounding Lydian Simpson theme)